I love you.....really??

How do you communicate love to your spouse? Do you have conversations with them daily? When you tell them you love them, do you have their full attention? Many couples today rush out the door to begin their day and they say "Love you". That is ok, but I'm wondering if that is the only time you let them know you love them. Are the words you speak, full of meaning or empty lyrics. It seems to me that couples struggle the most with being able to communicate. Communication seems to be a lost art. Many times I will ask couples who are struggling to talk to each other, to sit down for ten minutes of uninterrupted talk time. I ask them to talk about anything except a confrontational subject. To tell you the truth, this is not an easy assignment for many couples. It can be awkward and uncomfortable. So when they tell each other "I love you" is there true meaning to those three little words or is it said out of obligation, and really has no meaning. If the "I love you" becomes empty a person feels devalued and unloved. I'm not saying you don't love each other, but what I am saying is when there is a lack of true communication couples become disconnected. It begins without even realizing you are not connected. In fact, lack of good effective communication creeps in on us. If you are finding that you communicate more with people you work with or your friends, or you feel coworkers understand you better than your spouse, you are disconnected. 

Here are six ways to reconnect through communication.

1. When you tell your spouse you love them, pause for moment. Look into there eyes. Tell them how much they mean to you. Add phrases like "You're the best", "You're my favorite", "You mean the world to me".

2. Tell your spouse you love them several times a day. It is not enough to tell them once a day as you're walking out the door. Tell them you love them when you first get home. Tell them how much you appreciate them for who they are. Tell them you love them before, during and after intimacy. Tell them at least three times a day. 

3. If you are struggling to connect, set aside a time to talk. It may not be easy at first but work through it. Eliminate distractions. Go to your special place. The love seat, your two favorite chairs, out on the patio, your porch swing (my personal favorite). Begin by holding hands and share your heart. Good communication builds trust. Your ten minutes could turn into a full evening. 

4. Turn off the electronics. Smart phones, computers, tablets and televisions are huge distractions to communicating. You can text your love to your spouse but try to avoid confrontations and arguments over social media or text. Rather tell your loved one that you can discuss the situation when you are together so you can "talk" about it. Many times emails and texts are misunderstood. You cannot hear the tone of your spouses voice by text. You can see their face. A negative text or email can easily be misinterpreted and build into something bigger than what it is. Use electronics as a positive source of communication to enhance your relationship. 

5. Communicate your love through actions. Help around the house. Do special things for your spouse that you may not normally do. Show your spouse you care. 

6. Lastly, unspoken communication is very effective. The twinkle in your eye, a smile or gentle caress speak loud and clear.